Refining Strategies for Forgiveness May Improve Well-Being

The latest studies are showing that practicing forgiveness may boost mental health and well-being. Some compare holding a grudge to post-traumatic disorder (PTSD), in which your “fight or flight” -- or stress response -- stays switched on. PTSD usually develops after an emotional or physical trauma, such as a mugging, physical abuse or a natural disaster. Symptoms include nightmares, insomnia, angry outbursts, emotional numbness, and physical and emotional tension.

When someone hurts you, it can feel justifiable or even satisfying to hold a grudge. However, forgiveness can lead to huge physical and mental health benefits when done correctly. Robert Enright, PhD, is a professor of educational psychology at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, a licensed psychologist, and the cofounder of the International Forgiveness Institute. He has pioneered the social scientific study of forgiveness.

“Deep injustices against us can lead to unpleasant effects within us, such as anger that can turn to resentment, which is a deep and ongoing kind of anger. This can lead to the development of anxiety and even depression, a loss of hope, and low self-esteem. Forgiving can cure a person of these internal complications that literally can last for years,” said Enright.

There are studies showing that forgiveness interventions lead to significant improvements in a person’s life. Regarding physical benefits, Enright and his colleagues conducted a randomized experimental and control group trial. Forgiveness interventions were given to the experimental group and the usual heart health information was given to the control group. “This was with men in a cardiac unit of a hospital. At the 4-month follow-up, those in the experimental group had more efficiently functioning hearts than those in the control group,” said Enright.

He started the International Forgiveness Institute because he was receiving so many requests for information on forgiveness that it was rather astounding. The institute was formally established in 1994 and so it is celebrating the 30th anniversary of its inception. “Forgiving can release the person from an emotional prison. In the end, what do people want to leave as their legacy to family members: more anger or more love? Forgiveness helps us make the free-will decision, once cured of excessive anger, to offer this love to others,” said Enright.

In a study of adults who have been hurt or offended by another person, those who completed self-directed exercises in a forgiveness workbook reported reduced symptoms of depression and anxiety after just two weeks compared to participants who had not yet received the workbooks. Participants included more than 4,500 people from Colombia, Hong Kong, Indonesia, South Africa, and Ukraine.

Strategies taught in the workbooks included recalling, not suppressing, feelings about the hurt and trying to empathize with the offender. The findings from the study showed that forgiving does not mean condoning an action or foregoing justice. Instead, replacing ill will toward the offender with good will, according to the study authors. It may be possible to develop a more forgiving disposition with time and that may involve forgiving yourself. Whether it’s a simple spat with your spouse or long-held resentment toward a family member or friend, unresolved conflict can go deeper than you may realize, affecting your physical health. Studies have found that the act of forgiveness can lower the risk of heart attack, help improve blood pressure levels and sleep.

Dr. Karen Swartz, who is the director of the Mood Disorders Adult Consultation Clinic at The Johns Hopkins Hospital, Baltimore, Maryland, contends that the enormous physical burden of being hurt and disappointed can lead to chronic anger. She said forgiveness is not just about saying the words. Instead, it is an active process in which you make a conscious decision to let go of negative feelings whether the person deserves it or not. As you release the anger, resentment and hostility, you begin to feel empathy, compassion and sometimes even affection for the person who wronged you.

Studies have found that some people are just naturally more forgiving. Consequently, they tend to be more satisfied with their lives and to have less depression, anxiety, stress, anger and hostility. People who hang on to grudges, however, are more likely to experience severe depression.

Making Forgiveness Part of Your Life

Schwartz said forgiveness is a choice. You are actively choosing to offer compassion and empathy to the person who wronged you. She said the key is to empathize with the other person. As an example, a spouse may have grown up in an alcoholic family, so their anger when you have too many glasses of wine might be more understandable.

Simply forgiving someone because you think you have no other alternative or because you think your religion requires it may be enough to bring some healing. However, one study found that people whose forgiveness came in part from understanding that no one is perfect were able to resume a normal relationship with the other person, even if that person never apologized. Those who only forgave in an effort to salvage the relationship wound up with a worse relationship.

Once you are ready to forgive, take action. If you don’t feel you can talk to the person who wronged you, write about your forgiveness in a journal or even talk about it to someone else in your life whom you trust. Forgiveness does not involve getting another person to change. It is about taking control in the here and now. Forgiveness can change your life by bringing you peace, happiness, and emotional and spiritual healing. Forgiveness can take away the power the other person continues to have in your life. It is up to you to decide.

John Schieszer is an award-winning national journalist and radio and podcast broadcaster of The Medical Minute. He can be reached at medicalminutes@gmail.com