Elderly Exercise

March 27, 2024 at 5:50 p.m.

...by Pat D'Amico

Even at my advanced age, I know I should exercise regularly, diligently, and faithfully. I know that if I walked a mile every day, my corpuscles would dance through my bloodstream. I know that if I did sit ups, I might recover a semblance of my former shape. I know squats would keep me from entertaining my neighbors when I’m pushing against my five-gallon paint/weed bucket trying to get up out of the flowerbed. I know if I lifted weights, my grocery bags would feel like they were filled with popcorn balls rather than lead balls. I know my Fitbit would give me a congratulatory zap on the wrist if I ever hit ten thousand steps in one day. In my own defense, I am not sedentary but…

Paved with good intentions, is the road to you know where
So, I won’t eat a candy, cookie, cake or an éclair.
I’ll exercise and energize till I am strong and sleek.
I’m full of motivation, so I just might start next week.

When birds of a feather work out together,
They all heed the call and the chirp
Of the headband crested, lycra chested
Urban aerobic twerp.

I can walk a mile
So, I thought I would try
To run for a while—
I thought I would die!

I’ve formed a firm philosophy
About exercise devices:
I do not have to use them—
Just owning them suffices.

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