Regular Maintenance Required

February 14, 2023 at 9:28 a.m. Pat D'Amico

When I was a young girl, there was hardly ever a need to see a doctor. High school and college brought a few antibiotics and a stitch or two here and there. The childbearing years brought more frequency. 

Now that I’m old, doctor appointments are regular and routine like the tune ups on my car. The little pots in my weekly pill minder need to be kept full and that takes monitoring and authorization.  As another reminder comes in from a doctor’s office, I’m inspired to take pen in hand…

A blood test will turn up which systems need juice.
A mammogram checks out the parts that are loose.
A doctor who deals with the health of the skin
Will shoot with her freeze gun from forehead to shin.
Some poking, some prodding, then a card that says when
A regular tune up is due once again.

All hail the orthopedic Doc—
He came up with a potion
That made my shoulder cease to squawk
At every little motion.

A mammogram will squeeze you ma’am
So kindly be prepared.
This appendage wedge is cutting edge
And you will be ensnared;
So while they crank and shove and yank,
I recall an old-time zinger:
It was about a laundress, no doubt,
Who got too close to a wringer.

We all encounter aches and pains
As flesh and bone confront life’s strains;
But it is wise to use restraints
Cause no one wants to hear complaints
Except the personal physician
Who’s getting paid for the condition.

We are getting old—
How do we know?
We are taking pills
For status quo. 

Pat D'Amico of Kirkland is a frequent contributor to Northwest Prime Time with her light verse and essays 


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