A Taxing Time

In 1956, my first job as a teacher paid $3600 a year. Figuring out my income tax was straightforward and easy. Then came marriage, children, home ownership, deductions, additions, changes in tax law and etc. I have never cheated the IRS nor do I ever intend to in the future. Still, I feel that an agent somewhere is hovering and ready to pounce while shouting, “AUDIT!”

I once had a little misunderstanding with Uncle Sam and tried to speak with someone to straighten it out. In the hour that I spent on hold, I had plenty of time to write a few verses:

MOVING TOWARD APRIL FIFTEENTH

I have gathered all my paperwork.

My intentions are sincere.

I have to pay my income tax

And my heart is tinged with fear.

I add, subtract and calculate,

Using all of my acumen,

But still, I hyperventilate

Because I’m only human.

CUSTOMER SERVICE LINE

I need to have a little chat

With the IRS about this and that.

It seems Uncle Sam has quibbled with me

And wants to extract a penalty.

A measured voice laid out a venue

That pointed to a certain menu

To find the things I need to know

To pay them what they say I owe.

An hour has passed and I’m still here.

My phone’s going dead and so is my ear.

Call me a crank, a curmudgeon or jerk

But I have to point out how our tax dollars work.

APRIL FLOWER GIRLS

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Pat D'Amico of Kirkland is a frequent contributor to Northwest Prime Time with her light verse and essays