It Only Takes One! Part I

I frequently have conversations with people bemoaning the lack of things they’re worried about finding such as:

     “I’ll never find a romantic partner;”

     “I’ll never find a house I can afford;”

     “I’ll never find a job I like.”

I want to encourage you in that regard! Consider this truth: it only takes ONE! In every economy, SOMEONE is getting hired, in every housing market, SOMEONE is buying/selling, and no matter their age, SOMEONE is finding their true love.

As Russell Wilson was known to say, “Why not me?”

My story might encourage you. I had been married for almost 17 years when my then-husband came out and told me he preferred men. Ack, how I keened, grieving the life I was losing - and the vision of our future together I was also losing!

It was rough.

But my “inner knowing” kept repeating, “It only takes one, it only takes one!”

I knew I wanted to be married again, and did everything I could think of to meet someone. I let friends know I was looking, joined several online dating sites, attended singles events, went on blind dates, and expanded my field of possibilities, increasing my geographic distance, age, and other "requirements." I followed the code a friend advised, “make it easy on yourself,” and kept first dates short, public, and casual, usually at a coffee shop nearby. I’d get there early and get my own drink (avoiding all that awkward “who’s paying” trouble), and concentrate on being kind to the wounded soul who would show up (who among us hasn’t been wounded??). That definitely proved to be the case – I heard story after sad story from divorced men who’d been frozen out of their marriage once the children came along. I went on so many dates I had to keep a spreadsheet (who can remember all those details revealed in the first conversation??) and worked very hard (not always successfully) at maintaining my optimism.

It only takes one!!

After about five years of intensive dating, I was tired! I was ready to end a relationship with a wonderful man that had lasted about a year – in spite of all his wonderful qualities, I still felt alone. He was an honorable person, a wonderful musician, an adventurous soul whose company I enjoyed, but he was a man of so few words I was still lonely. He’d invited me to a retreat with his church community, and I knew I could not appear there as his partner knowing he wasn’t the one for me.

So we broke up.

We sat in my yard and cried. He understandably lamented, “Wen, if I can’t make the bar, who can??” I didn’t know. I just knew he wasn’t the one.

The story didn’t end there.

I went on vacation – alone, to hike and read and be away from people after a busy summer, hosting Summer Reading Programs at work and taking in all the fun festivals that are so glorious at that time of year. I just wanted to be alone! So, I explored a tip from a friend who had waxed enthusiastic about a National Park I’d never heard of – the Grand Tetons just south of Yellowstone. I discovered there was a $99/night special after Labor Day that felt like it had my name on it. So, I took the plunge, and – you guessed it – met the love of my life who was staying in the room next door!