Reclaiming a Passion

RECLAIMING A PASSION

by Ariele M. Huff

“Bits and Pieces”

Each time I gave up a piece of myself,

vital bits got lost.

I want to play a new game of “Seek and Find.”

I will seek and find that which I lost.

I’ll try to put the pieces back,

back where they belong.

I long to be whole,

to be complete,

to be joyful,

to be me.

Shirley G. Mathis [excerpt]

            This poem by a reader expresses something we all have felt. Loss is an inherent part of any change, including aging. So is gain. And, so too, can be re-gain.

            A writing exercise I frequently use in classes is to tell about developing a favorite skill. We love the sense of accomplishment, strength, and acumen resulting from bringing a new talent into our repertoire. This group of achievements often defines us—to ourselves as well as to others.

            Triumphant feelings come from these kind of attainments: mastering riding a bike, diving, baking bread, keying more than 100 words a minute, speaking a foreign language, playing an instrument or sport, sewing an invisible blind stitch, creating any kind of art or written work, and the list goes on and on.

            Just recalling these things can put a smile on our faces. Imagine, then, what feeling any of these slipping away feels like. Right—not so good, as the poem says, like losing “vital bits” of the self. However, there’s a silver lining to this…and I’ve just experienced it.

            At ten years old, I earned enough money for my first flute and began to take lessons from my aunt who was a locally prominent flute teacher. My love for her was wrapped around my passion for playing—sometimes leading me to practice eight or more hours in a day. By college, I had a string of solo performances, first seat placements, and attendance at prestigious musical trainings to my credit and was considered ready to become professional. It was a hard choice, but I went with turning my other—equally deep—passion with writing into my career.

            While I’ve never been sorry—loving every minute of writing, editing, teaching writing, I’ve missed playing so frequently and so well. Slowly, the time I could devote to practice and involvement with groups waned. With children and a career, I sold my top quality instrument for a less heavenly one—functional but not the stuff of angel’s breath. By my forties, I’d begun to loathe picking it back up again just to hear myself unable so easily to knock out a soaring arpeggio, fingers flying faster than sight could follow. Ah, it was a loss, and a little sore spot I never shared with others.

            One of the gifts my mother left to me when she died was to return my desire to play the flute. She gave me hers, a much better one than my interim flutes.

            Another gift: the soaring victory of regaining a skill. Not that it’s easy and not that I’ve returned to the same quality I had previously. The victory is in having it back to enjoy but also in allowing myself to have it without perfection.

            I began to ask others about this “rebooting” an old passion and found returning skiers, quilters, bikers, hikers, pilots, potters, painters, writers, and those who do a number of other sports and handcrafts. Here are some insights I gathered.

Setbacks are to be expected—at any age. Reacquiring a skill blends the talents used in initial learning PLUS skills in re-approaching from a different angle, adapting a different attitude toward learning, compassion for lost abilities, defending the process to others, incorporating new technologies/methods.

1) Some people will not be supportive: Why do you need to do that? Wouldn’t you rather do something new?
2) Focus is a bigger problem when older but achieving it brings tremendous value in improved focus across the board.
3) Build skill gradually, starting at beginner levels to enjoy successes along the way.
4) Don’t compete with your younger self.
5) The sweetest successes: achieving something new—a part of the skill not attained previously.
5) Measure changes and record them for a reality check when discouragement hits.
6) Celebrate all the successes along the way. Small victories add up to renewed confidence.

SALVAGING A SKILL
We’ve all heard—more often than is good for us—how aging is a series of losses. Recently, some of us have been enumerating the gains inherent in aging as well (accumulated experiences, knowledge, relationships, and material things among many others).
Another big category is often ignored. At every age and stage of life, we spend some time gaining and retaining skills—whether it’s tying our shoes and reading, driving vehicles and raising children, or investing and dealing with health care issues.
A precious experience, especially available to seniors is the recapturing of a skill, sport, hobby, or passion that has lain dormant for a period of time. Join us in trying the following exercise and then sending it to Arieleto be used in Sharing Stories.

Exercise: in 700 words or less a story of reclaiming a passion:

Think of anything these words bring up: Rescuing, Salvaging, Retrieving, Recovering, Reclaiming, Recouping, Saving, Remembering, taking up again, picking up again, restarting, continuing, going on, carrying on, jumping back in, reviving, resurrecting, regenerating, renewing, reopening, saving, resuming, starting again, starting over. Picking up where you left off, returning to, going back to, reoccupying, keep on, persisting, persevering, keeping at it, going on, sticking with it, enduring, living on, staying, refusing to go away, still around, staying, survival.

Some examples of how this can be done:

Ariele: Got the flute fixed and playing it daily. It does work and look a lot nicer...sparkly and easier to play. I've been super cautious going back to it to do everything slowly and carefully so as not to build in errors and discourage myself. Currently, I've gotten back about 2/3s of my lip...a major accomplishment. I've worked assiduously running scales and doing long tones, so my fingering skills are better at this point than they'd been last year when I played until the flute wouldn't work. My articulation has reached a decent level and now I'm concentrating on regaining sight reading skills like counting off beats and other rhythm and pacing stuff. Given that the quality of the flute is about half or less that of my best flute during my heavy playing years, I'm quite pleased to say that my level of playing is already at about a third or better of that when I was at my top ability. To be honest, I wasn't holding out for that or expecting it. I can sometimes now relax into the flow, bringing elements of style like richness of tone and dramatic touches with timing into play--gravy that can't enter in until the mechanics get re-mastered and on automatic again. Whew! I've done some lengthy days and sweat of the brow, pain in arthritic fingers loosening and embrasure cramping with the musculature that has forgotten how to create such a tiny, controlled space for air flow…that part is an amazing work out—for people of any age. It ought to be an Olympic sport.

Paul Stocklin:
Skiing: I couldn't imagine paying the price for a day ticket...on a Sat or Sun and having to stand in line. So the breakthrough was son David saying "come at night with Lance and me...$7 or something ridiculous like that...But I have to get up early and go teach... I'll drive, dad. and so, he reintroduced me. Night skiing is more restricted because there are fewer runs and the steepest hills are not available. Neither of them is a hot shot, so staying with them was not a problem...the father/son bonding was the point, the skiing skills just seemed to come along; there wasn't an expectation to "improve"...perhaps like writing for me with you. I don't recall having a "goal" of improving my writing, but I knew/know that practice simply does improve performance. I had set so many goals for students and self over the years, I was glad to let that stuff be in the background and see what happened.
Now, riding a snowboard…that is a different story. It required intention, attention, perseverance and patience. And I did that basically alone, other son introduced me to it, but then I was on my own. Self-taught....by watching and imitating others.
Paul and Kay Chelemedos on his motorcycle...another skill Paul decided to hang onto into senior years. This was her first time on a motorcycle...a thrilling bucket list item for Kay.

Paul Stocklin is a longtime student and friend of Ariele’s who completed this exercise to help others get the idea for how to do it!

SHARING STORIES is a weekly column for and about the 50 plus crowd living in the Puget Sound region. Send your stories and photos to ariele@comcast.net. Tell local or personal stories; discuss concerns around aging and other issues; share solutions, good luck, and reasons to celebrate; poems are fine too. Pieces may be edited or excerpted. We reserve the right to select among pieces. Photos are always a plus and a one-sentence bio is requested (where you live, maybe age or career, retired status, etc.).

SHARING STORIES is featured on www.northwestprimetime.com, the website for Northwest Prime Time, a monthly publication for baby boomers, seniors, retirees, and those contemplating retirement. For more information, call 206-824-8600 or visit www.northwestprimetime.com. To find other SHARING STORIES articles on this website type "sharing stories" in the search function above.

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