I'm Still Here, But I Miss Her

My routine of taking large doses of medical cannabis to rid my body of the cancer I was diagnosed with three years ago, has come around again.

It's a rainy Wednesday and I'm just chilling, getting my mind and body ready for tonight, when I'll take my medicine, settle down to watch a Bollywood movie and mostly just do nothing but sleep off and on. Every time I do this (twice a week for the last year and half),

I think of my friend, Lynn, who lost her battle with cancer a few months back.
At the time, I thought the grief would never heal. I felt both guilty (for surviving) and devastated at the loss, as well as angry, knowing that the situation could have been different. Her cancer returned, more deadly than ever, after she’d been in remission for a number of years. Unfortunately, a typical story, one I keep hearing. I'd offered her some of my medicine, which she declined, as she grew weaker and more confused, as her death became a foregone conclusion, her cancer inoperable.

Today, I particularly value my church, the folks who let me cry on their shoulders when Lynn was leaving this world for her bigger journey on the “other side.” They got me through a very difficult time, and continue to be there for my own battle, shoring me up, keeping me positive and happy as I battle the disease that took my mom and grandmom. I still miss Lynn, and always will, but faith in something higher got me through her loss, and it continues to lift me up, so I can win this battle.

James is a Seattle writer/cancer warrior/psychic/medium, and this story is excerpted from the Processing Loss Workbook http://www.amazon.com/dp/B017TZDBY0.

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