Celebrating Life Over 50 in the Puget Sound Region and Beyond

Tamper Proof Packaging

December 26, 2022 at 5:34 p.m.

...by Pat D'Amico

Maybe I am paranoid in my old age, but I have to wonder if manufacturers are out to get me with their tamper proof packaging. I purchase an item to eat, drink or use in some other way, and I am locked out. In my frustration, I resort to unconventional methods to get in. When I was younger, I might have persevered without complaint but these days, I must vent:

A PACK ATTACK
There may be blood. There will be strife.
I doubt if there’ll be loss of life.
The thing I need is so encased
That common sense has been erased.
With scissors, knife and stabbing tool
The package yields its useful jewel.
With pounding heart, I claim my prize.
My Fitbit calls it exercise.

COORDINATION REQUIRED
We’ve put two spaces on this cap for a finger and a thumb.
Just press while turning firmly and right off, it will come.
It takes coordination and a little bit of pluck
But if you can’t finesse it, too bad, you’re out of luck!

A PACKAGE DEAL
Please guide me today. If there is a way,
I don’t have the wisdom to see it.
The need I’ve embraced is so tightly encased
That I can’t find a way to free it.
So before I go nuts, suffer heartaches and cuts,
Will you just give me one little clue
So that I may—in a civilized way—
Open this package—thank you.

Pat D'Amico of Kirkland is a frequent contributor to Northwest Prime Time with her light verse and essays