Maybe I am paranoid in my old age, but I have to wonder if manufacturers are out to get me with their tamper proof packaging. I purchase an item to eat, drink or use in some other way, and I am locked out. In my frustration, I resort to unconventional methods to get in. When I was younger, I might have persevered without complaint but these days, I must vent:

A PACK ATTACK

There may be blood. There will be strife.

I doubt if there’ll be loss of life.

The thing I need is so encased

That common sense has been erased.

With scissors, knife and stabbing tool

The package yields its useful jewel.

With pounding heart, I claim my prize.

My Fitbit calls it exercise.

COORDINATION REQUIRED

We’ve put two spaces on this cap for a finger and a thumb.

Just press while turning firmly and right off, it will come.

It takes coordination and a little bit of pluck

But if you can’t finesse it, too bad, you’re out of luck!

A PACKAGE DEAL

Please guide me today. If there is a way,

I don’t have the wisdom to see it.

The need I’ve embraced is so tightly encased

That I can’t find a way to free it.

So before I go nuts, suffer heartaches and cuts,

Will you just give me one little clue

So that I may—in a civilized way—

Open this package—thank you.

Pat D’Amico of Kirkland is a frequent contributor to Northwest Prime Time with her light verse and essays