Sunday Services and Sandwiches

At the request of Dawn’s daughter, Valerie, our two octogenarians were headed to St. Blandings Catholic Church for Sunday services. The girls had locked arms as they walked the two blocks to the church. 

“I don’t know about this, Dawnie. I hope my knees will cooperate and allow me to kneel,” the non-Catholic Rose complained.  

“I’m sure God won’t mind, Rose. And if it’s okay with God, it sure as heck should be okay with the Catholics.” 

The girls laughed and arrived at the church just as the priest in his flowing white robes approached the door. He looked at the girls with a friendly, welcoming smile. “Good morning, ladies. Isn’t it a wonderful day for Mass?” he questioned with arms open and palms upward.  The girls giggled and agreed that it was, indeed, a good day to celebrate Mass. Still tittering about the smiling, handsome priest, Rose and Dawn approached their seats. Their cracking knees announced the genuflecting prior to entering the pew. “Ouch,” announced Rose. Dawn looked at Rose and whispered, “Quit complaining. You just need to spend more time on your knees, and it won’t hurt so much.” 

The Mass began and continued as usual for about an hour. After the procession to the altar for Communion, the pastor stood at the pulpit and announced that the entire congregation was invited to make sandwiches in the parish hall after Mass. 

“Yum. Sandwiches sound good,” Rose said. “I didn’t know the Catholics fed you after church services.” 

Dawn looked at Rose with horror in her eyes. “The sandwiches aren’t for us, Rose. We’re making them for the homeless and the hungry. Did you really think they were for us?"

Rose looked confused and a little embarrassed. “Well, I’m hungry and he mentioned the sandwiches, so I made an assumption that maybe they were going to feed our stomachs as well as our souls.” 

Laughing and following Valerie’s family down the steps to the parish hall, Rose and Dawn bellied up to the bar where everything was lined up and ready to be built into sandwiches. 

Rose’s stomach made a loud growling noise. “Oops. Could you hear that, Dawnie? I told you I was hungry. Do you think they’d mind if we had a little snack ourselves? I know we’re not homeless or hungry, but we’re old. Maybe they’ll feel sorry for me if I start to swoon a little.” 

Dawn was shocked beyond words. “I can’t believe you even said that, Rose. That would be like stealing and you know God doesn’t like someone who steals. ‘Thou Shalt Not Steal’ is one of the Ten Commandments.” 

“Get off it, Dawn. Geesh. I’m just kidding. Although, I am a little dizzy right now. I don’t know why…”  

Rose swooned, rocked on her heels and grabbed onto Valerie’s arm as she stood in the food preparation line. Valerie looked at Rose and said, “Oh dear, Rose. Are you okay? You look pale.”

With that Rose went down on one knee, folded up and almost fell to the floor before Valerie’s husband swooped her up and placed her on a nearby chair. Rose was pale, sweaty and limp when Dawn got to her side. “Rose, what’s wrong? Are you having a heart attack?” Dawn cried. 

One of the parishioners brought water and a newspaper to fan Rose with. Valerie called 9-1-1 and was waiting at the door to meet the paramedics. In the meantime, Father Cutie Pie brought over a previously made sandwich and offered it to Rose to eat. Rose tentatively accepted the sandwich and took a couple of tiny bites. Her color immediately improved and as the paramedics arrived, Rose was finishing the small sandwich and trying to stand up. The handsome young men urged her to stay seated while they checked her vitals and after a few minutes declared her fit as a fiddle. 

One of the uniformed health experts folded up the blood pressure cuff and said, “Looks like you just needed a little food. From now on, young lady, you eat a good breakfast including protein before you come to Mass. And that’s an order.” 

Dawn hugged her best friend and sheepishly offered an apology. “I’m so glad you’re okay. Boy, you’ll do anything for a sandwich.” 

Rose smiled weakly and nodded with a little bread still stuck to her teeth.