The Christmas Photo
Every year, I try for a Christmas picture of the kids. When they were young, I lined them up and took a roll of 24 pictures, hoping to get a good one. This was a half-hour or more project as they would push, shove, joke around, and act silly until I announced I was going to make them stand there if it took all night.
One year, I thought they would behave better if we took them to the mall for a picture with Santa. First, it was getting there. Pete always “called” the “angel van” which meant he got the better behaved children, while I drove the “thug mobile”—the one with all our challenging kids. While Pete had uneventful trips, mine were usually raucous and loud.
This particular year, the wild boys were mad because the little ones had been watching cartoons right before we left and they hadn’t gotten a chance for the TV yet. Sure enough, right out of the driveway, they started in. “Why do we have to have so many kids?” “We look like a parade going anywhere.” Hmm, I always thought we more resembled a circus with all three rings going.
Anyway, they started with the last one adopted, Cody. He happened to be in the angel van so he didn’t hear any of this. “Why did you have to adopt Cody?” “You didn’t ask us first.” To which I replied, If Dad and I wanted to have another baby, we wouldn’t ask you first either. Oh boy! “Ewww, I am getting a mental picture of that, and it’s disgusting.” “That’s gross!” “No way—you are both old.” “Do you do that all the time?” My boys have never been shy! It is hard to drive when you are going to explode in laughter but must keep your face straight and say, “Boys, those types of questions are personal and inappropriate to ask.”
As time went on, it wasn’t always the behaviors that made the picture hard to take. Three of the boys worked in retail and one was a cook. Talk about conflicting schedules. Usually, at some point, we were all at my sister’s house for Christmas dinner so we tried doing the shot there—of course, after listening to, “Let me do my makeup first.” (No, that will take two hours!) And “I want my boyfriend/girlfriend in the picture.” A few months later, I would be asked to “photo shop” a person out since s/he hated him/her and never wanted to see that person again.
I resorted to bribes. The ones in the picture will get a car! “Yeah sure, we’re not falling for that. It will be a match box car.” Do they know me or what? I tried, “The ones in the picture will be in my will and I’m feeling sick.” “Nice try, Mom, but you don’t have any money.”
Many are on their own now and establishing holiday rituals of their own, so I have resorted to threats. “If you don’t make it to Aunt Patty’s for the picture, I will live with you when I am old, and I’ll give your kids candy every day.” I am only getting better with time. “I not only will live with you, spoil your kids with gifts and candy every day, but I will take over conversations and criticize your spouse, housekeeping standards, cooking, home decoration, and most importantly will have an opinion on everything that I will share without being asked.”
This has worked far better than I anticipated. This year, I mentioned “picture” on Thanksgiving and they all jumped into place.
Diana Hardwick is an overworked Seattle mom, foster mom, adoptive mom…and overworked!
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