A Family Can Change

A Family Can Change

Examining closely held beliefs can be uncomfortable. Over time, a rigorously defended belief can morph into an entirely different take on life.

I have clung to strong opinions about religion, politics, family, tradition, culture, heritage, money, and more. But life has changed me, and I find I am not as eager to take a stand.

My brother-in-law wrote to our family twenty years ago. He said he was gay and HIV positive. My heart sank and I cried. I cried because I was terrified at what his future would hold and also because I was angry. He should have known better. How could he do this to his aging parents?

I dreaded telling our teenage children. Our family read the letter together and talked a long time about values and how we wanted to respond to our family member. This uncle had always been supportive and caring. Now he was sick. His future was cloudy, and he was opening up his world to us and trusting that we would be there. The ball was in our court. What happened next proved to be a turning point in my life.

Young people often guide the way and this was true in our family.

“Well, he is still the same uncle, isn't he?” That one statement cleared the way for my journey of change. “Well, yes he is” was the answer. End of discussion.

Over the years, lots of strongly held beliefs have toppled like dominoes or happily morphed into others. What a relief! Judging weighs heavy on the shoulders.

By Joan Denver (nom de plume)

Joan is a retired seamstress living in Seattle.

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