An Endurance Test

Another adventure from our favorite octogenarians, Rose & Dawn

Rose and Dawn walked up the steps to St. John’s Catholic Church in the cold February air. 

“Who gets married in early February?” Rose queried. “Why not wait until summer’s warm weather? Unless…” 

“Stop it, Rose,” Dawn scolded. “We’ve known Mary Alice’s granddaughter since she was a baby. She’s a good girl and besides, it’s not our business. Kids do things very differently these days. We’re the dinosaurs here.” 

“Well, Tyrannosaurus Rex, let’s go in and hope it’s warm in this church.” The girls were welcomed in the huge front door by young, tuxedoed doormen. The girls were stunned to see the largess of this Catholic Church. It was as big as a barn and beautiful with its vaulted, painted and starred ceiling. They held hands as they were led to a seat of honor on the bride’s side of the church. So close to the front of the church, they could see the beautifully appointed altar with golden chalices and satin coverings. 

“Wow,” Rose whispered. “These Catholics must be a lot richer than the Methodists.” Dawn reminded Rose that the founder of Methodism was trying to step away from the ‘papist trappings’ of the religions of the time. 

“Oh yeah, I forgot,” Rose offered. “But, I feel like I’m in a five-star hotel lobby. Is that blasphemous?” 

They both smiled and heard the pipe organ begin playing some familiar classical music. The parents and grandparents of the bride and groom were being escorted to their opulently decorated seats. Dawn stared at Mary Alice and commented, “Doesn’t she look lovely? Do you think she had some ‘work’ done to look especially good for today?” 

Rose snorted with laughter, a little too loudly and said, “This is eighty-six-year-old Mary Alice we’re talking about, not some movie star. Dawnie, you read too many of those movie magazines.” 

A crescendo of organ music that gave the girls goose bumps announced the beginning of the bridal procession. Clouds of flowers, lace and perfume came down the aisle. Mary Alice’s stunning granddaughter, whom the girls had played with as a baby and kindly teased as an awkward teen, was a study in calm beauty. With the arrival of the bride at the altar, the groom stepped forward with an ear to ear smile. The Catholic wedding mass proved to be a little more than the girls were prepared for. First everyone stood up to welcome the bride. This they understood and were familiar with. Then, after sitting down, the entire congregation mysteriously stood again. A few moments later, everyone, as if on cue, sat down. Then, just as the two women were settling in to their uncomfortable wooden pew seats, all people slid from the seated position to a kneeling position on some padded kneelers that seemed to appear from nowhere. 

“What in the world is going on, Rose?” Dawn protested with a soft voice. 

“Damned if I know,” crabbed Rose. 

“ROSE!” Dawn said through gritted teeth. “Don’t say that word in this church. Otherwise, we might actually be…well…that word.” 

Minutes later all stood again and our friends Rose and Dawn slowly arose with cracking knees and painful sighs. 

Finally, the girls made a conscious decision to just sit out the remaining, demanding movements of the congregation. It’s not that they weren’t engaged in the religious ceremony, it’s just that they couldn’t keep up with the action. This religion was made for a much younger, fitter crowd, they thought to themselves. 

It seemed to be more than an hour when the two priests on the altar finally blessed the wedded couple and the recessional music roared from the back of the church. The bride and groom seemed to run down the aisle toward the aft of the building. 

Rose poked Dawn as they all stood up and commented, “I don’t blame those kids for running to get out of here. I’m about to take flight myself. This has been an endurance test and I think I failed.” 

A word of congratulations with a kiss for the bride and a hug for Mary Alice, a quick cup of tea and the girls were on their way to the parking lot. Canes were stowed in the back seat of Dawn’s green Honda and a sigh of relief was issued to announce the end of a very demanding afternoon. 

Rose was happy to be going home to her recently adopted cat, who she knew would be happy to see her no matter how tired she was.

Diana Couture's series, The Ongoing, Life-Affirming Adventures of Rose and Dawn, was inspired by Diana Couture’s aunt and her aunt’s best friend. This colorful column was born when she set about telling these dear octogenarians’ true-life experiences. Rose and Dawn remain perennial 80-somethings to this day. Diana's entertaining Italian family continues to inspire her to write; the stories literally come from what happens to Diana, her friends and family.