My house is over fifty years old, and I am considerably older than that, so I know a bit about things that wear out. Let’s put aside for a moment my white hair and creaking joints and concentrate on the appliances and gadgets in my home.

I shudder to contemplate the sum total of TVs, garbage disposals, water heaters and etc. that I have replaced over the years. Another problem is that each replacement gets “smarter” and most require some kind of programming.

If I want to get Alexa involved, (which I don’t) I might be able to converse with my next refrigerator…

LECTURING THE SMART FRIDGE

Don’t speak to me in those measured tones

And tell me what I should do.

Don’t blab it around on the internet

If I’m growing fur on my stew.

I’d like to think when I close the door

That you really do turn out the light.

It’s chilling to fear that you’re fooling around

And spilling the beans all night.

LIVE IN HELP

I will not employ Alexa or Siri

Because, truth be known, I am rather leery

That one of these ladies, not at my behest,

Will save my remarks when I’m not at my best

And cause them to swirl out in cyberspace

Then come back to bite me—I rest my case.

FAULTY PARTS

My microwave has lost its bell.

My toast looks like it burned in Hell.

My stove is cold, my fridge is hot,

My coffee maker’s gone to pot.

My vacuum cleaner sucks, half-hearted,

My hard drive crashed—don’t get me started!

They all are getting old, you see,

And sadly that’s including me.

Every vintage can be traced

But only I can’t be replaced.

NUTS AND BOLTS EVIDENCE

Twenty years we’ve been together:

I suspected all along

That you were hiding something

And that you had done me wrong.

Now that you’re departed

It’s the evidence that talks—

I always knew it, wash machine,

You really ate my sox.

TICKED BY TECH

Technology, in days, bygone,

Was plug it in and turn it on.