Why Now?
While teaching “Writing Life Stories” at one of the earlier Latter Day Society Conferences, one of the attendees, Lisa Lee, had just finished a book on one of her ancestors. Among other things, she said,
“When the ancestors are ready for you to learn about them, they’ll let you know. The ancestors have quite a unique way of getting your attention.” (AfriGeneas Books ~Authors Reviews Lisa B. Lee at the African American Genealogical Society of Northern California or AAGSNC, in Oakland.
Author: Skin Deep—Interview with Lisa B. Lee, Thursday, 17 June 2004)
The following is how I imagined my mother responded when I asked her “Why now?” Why wait until now, to let me know you better?
“Earlier, you spent so much time getting things done, living with and through the difficulties of living in an unhappy setting and completing the pressures of school. Then instead of getting on with the freedom of life you planned, of adventure and travel, you married, had multiple children and obligations. Life handed you the responsibility to do that alone, achieving the goals you wanted for them. Then you needed, wanted and spent years telling them about their history and relationships. Finally, now, after a wonderful and fulfilled life, you feel, you have accomplished your responsibility and are not needed anymore. You have let go of their needs and feel free to work on your own. But the truth is, you are not free. Now, you need them.
And now, you can see and hear me.”
Meeting Lillian 4/17/2021
They say the ancestors can and will communicate with you when they’re ready. I never felt this before, but while thinking and composing these writings about my mother, I had a vision or visualization of her.
All my close family members are together and all talking at once. It’s loud, noisy and seemingly crowded in the space…lots of communications and activity. It seems they are all in my head, and as busy and loud as it is, it’s not stressful. All the people—my father, Aunt Mary, both my grandfathers, Nathaniel and David, grandmothers, Tex Addie and Cora Mae, even George are here, all animated and chatting busily. (I never find out the subjects.)
Then in the background, I see my mother. Quietly standing in the distance, not saying a word. Far away, seemingly waiting her turn. She doesn’t seem impatient or worried. Just waiting her turn. She is tall, still looking elegant in appearance, smiling a soft smile, feeling confident. She is still young in appearance, as if she had never aged. I am older than she is but still feeling that I am the child, the one in need of a mother’s love and embrace. Her embrace.
When she comes over, all the others disappear. We embrace, cry, and laugh all at the same time. I asked why she waited so long. She has waited ninety years for her time in the sun. She doesn’t reply, only the smile gets bigger, and we hug with more force. We both say in unison “finally.” I am comforted at ease and peace in the arms of my mother.
She looks like the vision I had of her.
“God doesn’t always come when you want Him too, but when He does come, He’s always on time.” Mark 16:15
Lillian Marie, a Midwest native, married, moved to Seattle, and spent 30 years in social work with children and families. Retired widow now following her passion in writing.
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