Magic at Midlife

I had just turned 53. My husband Mike, to whom I had been married for 31 years, had died more than two years before and I felt ready to welcome some romance into my life. I was living in a small university town in rural Tennessee and I hadn’t met anyone who interested me, so I cautiously ventured out into the world of online dating. But nothing exciting was happening.

Then, two days after my birthday, I met Charles through an online dating site. We clicked immediately, and began a whirlwind romance that consisted first of messages through the site, then long (and anxiously awaited) emails and finally, one evening weeks later, the thrill of hearing each other’s voices on the phone. We were giddy with love, acting like teenagers, so excited to have found each other.

Even though I had decades of professional experience as a psychologist, I was inexperienced in the dating realm. In fact, I realized that my last date with anyone other than Mike was when I was 15 years old! Intellectually, I mostly knew what I was doing, but emotionally, I was in completely new territory.

Charles, on the other hand, had been married for more than 20 years. After his divorce, he had what we dubbed an “oops” marriage that was over in a flash. He was now nearly 60, and determined to take things slowly this time around. Neither of us was prepared for the gift of a wonderful romance that came our way, but we certainly did enjoy it!

We were both determined to be as honest and straightforward as possible during the dating process in order to set the foundation for an authentic relationship. We wrote pages and pages of emails to each other, laying out our life experiences, our values, our dreams and our yearnings.

Exactly two years after our first contact, we married in a simple but joyful celebration with family and friends. Since then our journey has taken some unexpected twists and turns. We moved from Tennessee to the Pacific Northwest, which we both love. We have welcomed four new grandchildren and connected with two of Charles’ grandchildren that he had never met. We have traveled, developed an editing business together, learned to love each other’s kids and cared for each other through difficult times. (Charles tenderly cared for me through two surgeries in our first year of marriage.) Now our journey includes coping with Charles’ Alzheimer’s disease, which was diagnosed five years into our relationship, and we are meeting that challenge together.

Several years ago, we decided that we wanted to write a book for other people on the high side of 40 who were interested in finding and maintaining a remarkable romance. So many people had asked us about our story, and we both recognized that having a roadmap for this journey would be helpful to many other folks. We were fortunate to be able to write a column for Northwest Prime Time, tackling many of the topics that we wanted to address in our book. Through our column, we found terrific participants for a survey that provided rich material for the book.

It became our goal to complete and publish our book while Charles can still enjoy and appreciate our accomplishment. We found a talented artist who designed our cover and illustrated the book, an editor to ensure professional quality, and a technical wizard to help with self-publishing. Now Magic at Midlife: Your Relationship Roadmap for Romance After 40 is available on Amazon, Kindle and iBooks, and I recently narrated the audiobook for Audible.

We believe in love, and are excited to share guidance on all the steps involved: reflecting on your own values and desires, finding a suitable partner, dealing with the practical issues of combining your lives, and sustaining a loving relationship. We invite you to read Magic at Midlife!

For more information, see www.MagicAtMidlife.com, or visit Magic at Midlife on Facebook and Twitter.