Hospital Food

Sharing Stories

The bread conspiracy!

Hospital Food

There are some given facts when you go to the hospital, one of them is that after they have hooked you up to as many lines as they can, you are asked if you are hungry. My usual answer is “no,” but you must eat.

“OK I will have a toasted cheese sandwich.” When it arrived, it really did look good. Unwrapping myself from whatever the lines were, I picked up the delectable cheesy sandwich. First of all, it was cold. Secondly, it must have been made with crumbs from the bakery floor because it all fell apart. I was left holding a piece of cheese, not especially good looking. I was sure it still had the paper on it. The milk was good.

Next morning, I ordered scrambled eggs, bacon, toast, and coffee. The bacon was very well done, but the eggs had been cooked to the granular stage and kept falling off the fork. A spoon was called to stand in. I was eyeing my toast and coffee. Upon trying to bite the toast, I darn near broke a tooth. Oh well, I still have nice hot coffee!

As I opened it, the doctor came in to do his thing. By the time he left, my coffee was cold. So much for breakfast.

Ah lunch. What can they do to a chicken salad sandwich, fruit, and iced tea? The salad part was OK, but there was a curse on all of the bread. As I took a bite, the bread broke up and the salad ended up all over me and the bed. The second half, I ate with a spoon, sans the bread. The iced tea was as hot as my coffee had been cold.

I thought, dinner can’t be bad, at least not as bad as lunch and breakfast. I ordered roast chicken, mashed potatoes, farm fresh veggies, and a roll, fresh fruit for desert. I asked for water which I didn’t get because I was supposed to have water on my bed stand. Now if you don’t think this meal was a disappointment, I have news for you. The mashed potatoes were made of pure glue. When I put my fork in, the whole pile came up at the same time and the gravy didn’t move a bit; it just held on.

The chicken and the roll had the same problem: As I tried to butter the roll, it slid off the tray and tumbled across the floor with the chicken in hot pursuit. They were of the same texture and had decided to run off together! The fresh fruit was fruit cocktail in a cardboard container.

I am not a picky eater; I just have been taught to eat what is on my plate or don’t eat at all. I decided not to eat at all, especially when I ordered “hot bubbly, creamy lasagna” with a side of spinach. I will start with the glutinous scoop of canned spinach. That is where I am a picky eater. YUCK! The cheese on top of the lasagna was one square of cheese in the same condition as when it had come from the package. The under part had iced chips! I decided to complain and was told, “Oh I am sorry, dear, but the kitchen is closed. Order a nice hot breakfast in the morning. In the meantime, to hold you over, have some saltines."

Connie Campbell is an East Coast transplant for lo these many years, and a frugal gourmet who forgot to bring a suitcase of good food to her hospital stay!

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