Ashes to Ashes: Cremation Concerns

So you've decided to be cremated. You've made arrangements with a funeral home or memorial association of your choice. You haven't? Because if you haven't done that, the decision after death legally goes to your next of kin—spouse, parents, children, or siblings. What if they don't agree? What if they're away on a cruise? A charity mission in Africa? What if YOU are traveling? If legal permission for cremation is not authorized, it will be denied and ground burial is required. This problem can lead to family disagreements and estrangement.

Following cremation, what would you want done with your cremains, commonly called ashes? If you haven’t designated your wishes, your survivors will need to make a decision.

If you prefer a more formal “final resting place” where others can visit, consider the choices within a cemetery. An urn might be allowed to be placed within the grave of a spouse, parent or child. There may be a columbarium where urns and mementos can be artfully displayed behind glass; or a “memorial wall” where urns are placed in a niche above ground with a nameplate attached. Memorial gardens provide for in-ground placement and might accommodate two urns.

Would you prefer that your ashes be spread at a favorite fishing spot, or in our magnificent mountains or waters? Should they be placed on the fireplace mantel or hearth, where the grandchildren can be told “that’s Grandma in there” when they ask? The ashes could be divided among the survivors to honor your memory as they wish. My brother's ashes were cast into the outgoing tide in Alaskan waters as his grandchildren tossed flowers to accompany his final voyage. The Coast Guard presented the family a bronze plaque inscribed “Back to the Sea” for his Merchant Marine service in WWII. His wife Mary's ashes were divided among her four children for tree-planting and to nourish her precious apple trees through Alaskan winters. A friend's ashes were raked into a sand trap at a favorite golf course, with the course-owner's permission of course. After suicide, a young man's mother divided his ashes between Puget Sound and Hawaiian waters. All of these were family choices. But Marge' s ashes remain on the mantel; her husband never took them to the mountains as planned. Now, he's gone, too. What will become of them?

Ashes have been left on buses, park benches, abandoned in closets, or stored under the potato bin on the back porch. What would you want to happen to yours? Talk it over with a funeral directory or memorial association, and make your final plan. Your survivors will bless you.

Seattle area writer June Foster Stinson is a former Memorial Counselor.

Northwest Prime Time reader Dot Kewlley of Des Moines, Wash. had this suggestion: “You can tell your readers to call the People’s Memorial Association in Seattle for free or inexpensive cremation. http://peoplesmemorial.org/