I found myself in a retirement community to recuperate from a health crises. I was among the youngest there and for that reason, at first, I felt like I didn’t really belong. In one year I was fully recovered and I should have left. However, I stayed there for two more years. Why I stayed is wrapped up in the details that follow.
If only we could know just a fraction of the life stories of senior retirees that pass through just one retirement community, what a fantastic verity of stories they would tell: stories of happiness, tragedy, abandonment, loneliness and, yes, there are stories of many seniors who are perfectly content to be where they are in their life’s journey.
I have known many seniors that have lost a lifetime partner and were just numb. They seemed to go through the motions of living, not really participating in life. But sooner or later something, another person or some activity, attracts their interest and they begin to take in the world around them. I believe the retirement community itself invites healing and adjustment because of the close daily contact with others, including those with similar losses.
More then a few seniors I met were there because there were tired…tired of doing dishes, tired of yard work, of cleaning the house. Tired of the being alone. Some needed a refuge, others wanted a sanctuary. But most wanted companionship.
Then there are those that take to a retirement home like it was a luxury cruise. They jump at the opportunity to participate in almost everything.
You can be almost anyone you want to be in a retirement home. You can say you were an actress on Broadway or a corporate president. Who cares? What really counts is the person you are now.
Living in a retirement community may mean scaling down your accommodations and may mean giving up some cherished possessions. I found a one bedroom apartment more then adequate for me and it was an opportunity to give away that furniture I no longer had use for.
The compact environment of a retirement community can put your social life into high gear. Friendships and companionship take much less time to develop.
Every community is different in some way. Picking the right one is no easy task. You may have to check out several before you get that comfortable feeling. Some offer a night or two stay so that you can get acquainted with the facility, and the amenities they provide. It also provides an opportunity to talk with many of the seniors that live there; they are usually quite candid about the management, the environment and especially the food.
My time spent in the retirement home opened my eyes to a world I knew nothing about. I was opinionated without any first-hand information. However, it did not take long to realize what a great place a retirement community can be at the right time in my life. That, of course, is the key. The right time is crucial and different for everyone. I eventually realized that it was not the right time for me now. But, I stayed on because it was an oasis, a refuge, a place where I had companionship.
I will be back when the time is right - and this time I will not be a stowaway.
This article appeared in the October 2012 issue of Northwest Prime Time, the Puget Sound region’s monthly publication celebrating life after 50.